Hi whoever is out there,
I realize that I shouldn't just blog or write when things are good. This blog should be an attempt at a reflection of accurate snapshots of life. Of good times and bad. So here's the bad.
I am far from God, I believe. I have let my thoughts stray and my actions deny Christ that I profess to be my Lord and Savior. And yet in writing this, I feel that this desperate acknowledgement of my straying has put me on the road into the King's presence again. What a strange feeling and thought.
It is as if, because I am willing to face my lack of Christ, I am one step closer to being close to Him. Can it be that confessing to myself, forcing myself to admit that I am far from the Lord, be the first step to returning. The more I think of it, the more I think and know that it is. And my mind asks my heart: How do you KNOW?
That's a really good question. How is it that I just know that admitting that I am far from Him bring me closer?
I think on firstly, it's logical. You can't heal a sickness without admitting you have a sickness so that immediately opens up options of seeking help towards getting a cure.
Secondly, having been under His Grace for some time, I pretty much see a pattern with our loving Lord of Everything. I don't think there has been a time that I have heard Him say to me: I'm not going to help you. I don't know you. I don't care about you. He has never said that to me when I have gone to Him, broken, ashamed, unable to hold my head up, wanting to come back into His presence again. If there has been any example of Gomer, Hosea's wonton wife (read about her story in Hosea!), I think I could be a close profile fit. I have done things I would rather not talk about in public even while under the understanding that I am a Christian. And yet, God has never said, go away, to me when I come crawling back from another one of my exploits spurred on by disobedience.
Christians are really broken, limited people that need the love of God. We are not supposed to be any different that any one out there. We just had the privilege of meeting Jesus. And how he mended that broken needy heart of ours. After the basic mending, He then took our hands and walked forward revealing more to be changed to mend deeper issues in our hearts. Christianity is a constant cry for help. It is an acknowledgement that I am not enough. That I need help.
