Will God forgive repetitive sins?

This short message by Timothy Keller (picture below) assures me that:

1) The short answer is Yes. There is no limit to the Grace coming from above.
2) The more important point of repentance is true repentance. Not partial repentance.
3) You shouldn't be worried about whether God is going to throw you away. you should be worrying about what was the root of your sin. Identify it so you can get over it.

Here's the link so whoever wants to see it can go see it. May it bring you comfort and challenge you today. For living right is harder than saying sorry.

"If you didn't earn your salvation to start with, how are you going to un-earn it?" - Tim Keller.

In the Good times and Bad

Hi whoever is out there,

I realize that I shouldn't just blog or write when things are good. This blog should be an attempt at a reflection of accurate snapshots of life. Of good times and bad. So here's the bad.

I am far from God, I believe. I have let my thoughts stray and my actions deny Christ that I profess to be my Lord and Savior. And yet in writing this, I feel that this desperate acknowledgement of my straying has put me on the road into the King's presence again. What a strange feeling and thought.

It is as if, because I am willing to face my lack of Christ, I am one step closer to being close to Him. Can it be that confessing to myself, forcing myself to admit that I am far from the Lord, be the first step to returning. The more I think of it, the more I think and know that it is. And my mind asks my heart: How do you KNOW?

That's a really good question. How is it that I just know that admitting that I am far from Him bring me closer?

I think on firstly, it's logical. You can't heal a sickness without admitting you have a sickness so that immediately opens up options of seeking help towards getting a cure.

Secondly, having been under His Grace for some time, I pretty much see a pattern with our loving Lord of Everything. I don't think there has been a time that I have heard Him say to me: I'm not going to help you. I don't know you. I don't care about you. He has never said that to me when I have gone to Him, broken, ashamed, unable to hold my head up, wanting to come back into His presence again. If there has been any example of Gomer, Hosea's wonton wife (read about her story in Hosea!), I think I could be a close profile fit. I have done things I would rather not talk about in public even while under the understanding that I am a Christian. And yet, God has never said, go away, to me when I come crawling back from another one of my exploits spurred on by disobedience.

Christians are really broken, limited people that need the love of God. We are not supposed to be any different that any one out there. We just had the privilege of meeting Jesus. And how he mended that broken needy heart of ours. After the basic mending, He then took our hands and walked forward revealing more to be changed to mend deeper issues in our hearts. Christianity is a constant cry for help. It is an acknowledgement that I am not enough. That I need help.

July was here AAAAAAAAAAAAND IT'S GONE!

Hey whoever is out there,

Today I was really blessed by a book I was reading and that's a rare thing for me. Not because I rarely receive blessings haha, but because I, in all honesty, rarely read! Really. I realized that all around me, church leaders like to read alot but I don't. And sometimes I wonder whether it is normal for me not to like to read. I mean, I love to read adventure and thriller novels. Reading the Bible has always been a fight for me because for a monumental book that I have to base my life upon, I desire to read it less than say, a storybook. But I think this is where discipline comes in. Discipline is needed to get started and keep going in the long run. The Lord will make it relevant to you and when it seems like it doesn't, I will trust that I am reading that particular passage for a reason. It may not be because God wants me to  take back some spiritual truth like "Love your neighbour as yourself" all the time. Sometimes, I genuinely feel that it is a much needed history lesson or maybe a time where questions that I have never thought before comes to mind to challenge my faith. And I was just thinking that just like a sword is wrought through constant hammering and re-working, so is faith. So I will continue thinking that the Bible is a book to never put down despite its difficulty to digest (especially since the time, culture and mindsets of the people who wrote is so different from ours' today) because it is one of the ways, and the fastest and easiest way at that, I can get to know about God. But anyway, I have digressed long enough, here is the passage that I hope encourages you as much as it has encouraged me!

A Glimpse of Glory

"How, then, can we have access to the presence of God in [a way that is akin to when the compassion and love of another person helps you deal with your suffering, when someone's unconditional approval and encouragement transforms your fear into resolve, when an encounter with beauty seems to neutralize your anxiety and give you hope]? How can we have these foretastes? Jesus and the disciples (James, Peter, John and Mark) are barely off the mountain (Mark 9) before he gets a chance to show us how to make our way into God's presence. 

When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him. "What are you arguing with them about?" he asked. A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not. 

(Mark 9:14-18)

A big argument was going on among the teachers of the law and a crowd of other people and Jesus's disciples - those who hadn't gone up the mountain. They're trying to exorcise a demon, and it's not working. Evil is present and everyone's confused. 

Again, Mark takes the existence of demonic activity - of a continued battle against evil, personal supernatural beings - as a self-evident aspect of reality, a fact of life. Not everyone is personally possessed by a demon like the boy in this story, but Paul says in Ephesians 6 and elsewhere that we are all fighting demonic "principalities" all the time. Remember that even Jesus was not immune to their attacks. We read earlier on in the book of Mark that just after his baptism Jesus "was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan" (Mark 1:12) 

The boy in this story is possessed by a demon, making him deaf and mute and causing convulsions. It is an overwhelming physical and spiritual condition that not only renders the boy helpless, but also stymies everyone around him - his father, the disciples, the teachers of the law. The story continues: 

"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" "From childhood," he answered. "it has often thrown him into the fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." "'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy;s father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again." The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently, and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up to his feet, and he stood up. After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?" He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer."

(Mark 9:19-29)

The disciples were trying to exorcise a demon. But they have been trying to exorcise it without prayer. How arrogant, how clueless they are about their inadequacy to deal with the evil and suffering of the world. The disciples tries prayerless exorcism for the same reason that they couldn't understand why Jesus had to die - they didn't see how weak and proud they were. They underestimated the power of evil in the world and in themselves. 

The teachers of the law are there too, probably criticising. Only one figure in this whole scene is acknowledging his weakness, admitting that he does not have what it takes to handle the suffering and evil he faces - the father of the boy. 

This man asks Jesus, "Would you heal my son?" and Jesus says, "Everything is possible for him who believes." That is, "I can do it if you believe." The father responds, " I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" - that is, "I'm trying but I'm full of doubts." Then Jesus heals the man's son. This is very good news. Through Jesus we don't need a perfect righteousness, just repentant helplessness, to access the presence of God.

Jesus could have told the man, "I am the glory of God in human form. Purify your hearts, confess all your sins, get rid of all your doubts and your double-mindedness. Once you have surrendered to me totally and can come before me with a pure heart, then you can ask for the healing you need." But Jesus doesn't say that - not at all. The boy's father says, "I'm not faithful, I am riddled with doubts, and I cannot muster the strength necessary to meet my moral and spiritual challenges. But help me. " That's saving faith - faith in Jesus instead of in oneself. Perfect righteousness is impossible for us, and if you wait for that, you will never come into the presence of God. You must admit that you are not righteous, and that you need  help. When you can say that, you are approaching God to worship. 

But we cannot leave this scene without an acute awareness of what Jesus is about to lose. He has lived for endless ages in glory with the Father. On the mountain, we see Jesus surrounded by God; on the cross he will be forsaken. On the mountain we see the life he has always led - embraced and clothed with the love and light of God - but on the cross he will be naked in the dark. 

Why did Jesus put himself through that? He did it for us. Paul tells us clearly that evil is unmasked and defeated on our behalf at the cross. He writes in his letter to the church at Colossae that Jesus "disarmed the power and authorities...triumphing over them by the cross" (Colossians 2:15).

And on the mountain, through the Spirit, God was strengthening Jesus for his mission, for the infinite suffering he would endure to defeat all evil. And God can empower us in the same way to face evil and overcome our  own suffering. 

You may know in your head that God loves you - but sometimes the Spirit makes it especially to clear to you that that is the case. Sometimes through the Spirit you can hear God make a statement of unconditional, permanent, intimate love. Sometimes you don't just know about God's love but in your heart you actually hear God saying, "You're my daughter, you're my son, I love you. I wold go to infinite cost and infinite depths not to lose you - and I have."

When you have pursued God in repentant helplessness, you will have worshipped. And every time you sense his embrace, your soul will shine the slightest bit brighter with his reflected glory, and you will be the slightest bit more ready to face what life has in store for you." 

Excerpt above from Timothy Keller's uplifting book, King's Cross.

It takes you through the Book of Mark and is clear and concise. Coming from the girl that doesn't read a lot of books, I would want this in my sparse collection. 

It's been some time indeed.

Haha, I have been reading my previous posts. All 9 of them. And all of them reveal an insecure, growing teenager hahaha. I winced in so many places! And I apparently write really badly ah.

Now, things are a lot different :) While my writing is still awkward and dependent on CAPS to get a point across, I am still growing. That good la. Good enough :) And I have learnt many many things while this blog languished in CyberSpace. Many things that I hope to share with whoever wants to know.

I have come to an acceptance of the logical conclusion that this blog will never reach the heights of fame that some other blogs have reached. But I am OK with that. :) Really. If this blog is ever read, well, I think maybe God had a plan for you, dear reader. And that plan could be anything! :) It could be so fantastic your heart beats with wonder and fear just thinking of it. Or maybe it is a call to eat a cheeseburger to fill your stomach and craving. Yes, the Lord is interested in the little and big things of your life. Not just so that He has another minion to control on the chessboard of life. I believe and have experienced that more than anything, He just wants to be with you. To share life with you whom He created for a purpose and a beautiful intent that only you, unique you, can fulfill. I could go on and on about this but nah, I shan't :D You can leave a message for me if you want and we can chat. Not just about Christiany stuff but like how's the weather, where do dogs go where they die or even debate the best type of teas to drink on a rainy day. I could do that. I think I like that more really haha :) Not because the topics are "un-Christian" per se but more so because we can't avoid Christ anyway! He is everywhere and the king of the world. He does whatever He wants.

I bet a good many questions have come to your mind reading this. I am not surprised. Many have come to mine by just putting my thoughts in writing. Drop me a message at joanne_teo90@hotmail.com if you would like someone to thresh out your thoughts with! :) Or if you just want somewhere to be yourself.

Ok this has been a long post. Will come back another time :)

Failures Anonymous (Our Daily Bread, 25 March 2011, John 21:3-17)

It’s my duty to grill the burgers, brats, steaks, or whatever else my wife has on the menu. And while I’m not the greatest chef when it comes to outdoor cooking, I love the unforgettable aroma of grilling over a charcoal fire. So the mention of a “fire of coals” in John 21:9 catches my attention. And I find myself wondering why John would include this detail in the story about Jesus calling a failing Peter back to serve and follow Him.

In verses 1-3, it’s apparent that Peter had reopened his fishing business. Just a few days before, Peter was warming his hands over a charcoal fire when he denied Jesus to save his own skin (John 18:17-18 ESV). So why not go back to fishing?

While Peter and his cohorts were casting nets, Jesus built a fire on the beach. Coincidence? I doubt it! And as Peter approached Jesus, I wonder if the pungent aroma of the burning charcoal brought back memories of that other fire where he had failed Christ. Yet Jesus in His mercy took the initiative to call Peter back into His service.

Think of it: Jesus is willing to forgive our failures and call us into His service. After all, if only perfect people qualified to serve Him, He wouldn’t have anyone to choose from!

Although we are imperfect,
The Lord can use us still,
If we confess our sins to Him
And seek to do His will. —Sper

Being imperfect doesn’t disqualify us from serving God;
it just emphasizes our dependence on His mercy.

You really free?

The Lord led me to see that I really was free in a specific aspect of my life. Aspect = To be me and to LIVE.

All along, whenever I thought of God, I would feel guilty. I was always plagued with the thought that I was not doing enough or I was not good enough. I was plagued by my copious failures and my insult to the grace God had given me by wasting my time on other things. Not reading my bible every second of the day... and the list goes on.

But the Lord showed me that getting close to Him and knowing Him more was not a one-sided affair ridden with guilt and remorse. (What kind of freedom was that, right??) I felt like this week he went on a love-Joanne week rampage. I got lovely messages from people I never expected to hear from that told me that God sent them messages of peace that He meant for me. Out of the blue. I remember thinking to myself that God was sweet. Then He spoke to me during devotion, addressing so strongly the emotional and struggles that lay heavy on my heart that I could not help but respond with a few tears hastily wiped away when all heads were bowed and all eyes closed in prayer. Then He visited me in my room while I sat reading an encouraging response from a church leader and I burst out in inexplicable tears. (It was so bizarre. There was no emotion that I felt before that and suddenly, I was in tears. Really bizarre. Like I couldn't control myself. Woah. But I needed it. For some reason, my heart heaved and great relief came from tears like that.) He showered me with love that I couldn't explain. The gestures were so sweet and personal. They could make me blush. Cute, sweet gestures that romantics would squeal over.

Then suddenly, I felt free. It was not a one-sided thing all the time. He was responding to me too! He gave me stuff. He likes me! And so I thought: I don't have to have some deep spiritual reason for giving You something, I can give it simply because I want to. I want to shower you will random, silly acts of love. The way I love you is not controlled and compartmentalized by laws from you about how to love. I am free to love you freely! What a feeling! It meant I could run, and jump and kneel when I want without worrying whether it was appropriate before God. I was free from "tell me what I should do, Lord. I only want to hear from you." While that is true, then wouldn't it be a one-sided thing where God tells you what He wants to hear and see? Where's the freedom in that? You have the freedom to worship and praise and shower Him silly with love with all you've got and all the creativity you have! No fixed way that God decrees you have to praise Him. When it comes from a sincere heart wanting badly to please the Lord, you've got it.

Today in service, I basked in this type of freedom. I am blessed, I can sing as loud as I want within the walls of the an air-conditioned place surrounded with like-minded people. Then I suddenly had this picture of me kneeling outside the court of the Lord. The doors were closed. And I wondered, what was the difference between worshipping within the courts of the Lord and worshipping outside the courts, outside the doors. What will it mean to be let in to worship and give reverence to the king of the court? What would it mean for me? I think the answer is not far away but coming soon. And my heart beats in slight fear and excited anticipation, like a spectator waiting for racing cars to round the bend, knowing that they'll be there any second. A father waiting for the birth of his first child.

Thank you, Lord. You made me free to worship You! I can do it the way I want and praise You! It's kinda awesome You know. That You look at the heart and not the actions. :) Thank you.

The joy of being a failure: an un-emo note with an emo title

God has been very understanding and a real friend to me.. I love Him for that.

I've had a copious failures as a leader in church and as a person in life and started to feel sian of church and churchy stuff. I seemed to be caught in an endless cycle of falling and getting up again. Dusting myself off and trying again only to fall down. And all around I perceived perfect people with no trouble at all. I felt inferior. Stupid. Unworthy of leadership. Yesterday, I even refused to read the bible. Oh yea, I got the blues pretty bad.

But today at family devotion, I was asked to read from the devotional material that we used weekly. The title was "Failures Anonymous". Through that, God told me it was ok to be a failure. To dust myself off and walk forward in the second chances He gives. At that point of time, I was fighting off tears. God understood and He did not mind that I was a failure. He loved me for who I am. He spoke to me through His word. He's my friend who understood and comforted me. So as my cousin closed the session in prayer, I took advantage of the fact that all eyes were closed to wipe away tears of relief and gratitude.

I wanted to get it out and read as soon as I can because I didn't want to forget His goodness. I also didn't want to hide my thankfulness. There is joy in being a failure. Failures rejoice!!