Friday, November 26, 2010

Show me Your face, Lord

Show me Your face, Lord
Show me Your face
Then gird up my legs that I might stand in this holy place
Show me Your face, Lord
Your power and grace
I could make it to the end if I can just see Your face

Moses stood on the mountain
Waiting for You to pass by
You put Your hand over his face
So in Your presence he wouldn’t die
All of Israel saw the glory
And it shines down through the age
Now You’ve called me to boldly seek Your face

David knew there was something more
Than the ark of Your presence
And in a manger a baby was born
Among kings and peasants
All of Israel saw the glory
And it shines down through the age
And now You call us to boldly seek Your face

Show me Your face, Lord
Show me Your face
Then gird up my legs that I might stand in this holy place
Show me Your face, Lord
Your power and grace
I could make it to the end if I can just see Your face
Yes we can make it to the end if we can just see Your face.

- written by Don Potter.


(What a song. That's some seeking right there. And someone that knows what seeing God's face really means. What's so good about seeing God's face? What good does it bring? What value does it have? I know I sound positively heretical but that's a question that I would like to be able to have a rich answer to. Why are we going on as Christians? Why am I Christian?

Because I have seen His power in my mother's life. He pulled her through tough times. And a woman of cautiousness would never throw herself into a position where she knew she would be mocked and shunned by her family for her faith. But she did. That speaks plenty for me. And that I have experienced the love of God and a little tip of the ice-berg of the supernatural (Tooth was dead and after prayer came back to life. It turned from black to white. Shoulder muscles felt much much better after being prayed for. Felt like new. Exams were supremely blessed by the Lord. He speaks to me through the Word and in my mind.) I hope to give an even richer answer soon. What a song. The meaning that it holds is so loaded that if it were an apple tree, its branches would be sagging under the weight of the fruit. Amazing. )

Practical Application

Lessons in real life are much more scary than theory. And a lot more helpful for me I think. I learned that a real leader stands ready to face the music in any situation. Even if its staring death in the eye. And that sounds so pretty, heroic and do-able. Until we actually are in that position itself.

Today was a typical example. (Except that I wasn't staring death in the eye. Nor was I the established leader. Age-wise, however, I could be considered a leader.) My cousins meet up regularly and for 2 days we decided to hold a kind of Cousin Camp (affectionately dubbed the Cuzzy Camp). One of the activities during this camp was a water fight with water bombs. We decided due to general laziness and an unwillingness to lug more than 20 kilos of water in little plastic bags down to the field near our house, we would play in the corridor. I know I know. When I'm typing this I'm thinking the exact thing you are probably thinking right now (AKA what-a-waste-of-water, how-old-are-these-cousins, who-does-this-sort-of-things-nowadays, etc.)

So the fight ensued. I hurled a water bomb in the direction of my sister and it exploded with great aplomb on the stairs of the floor below us. Following the splash soon after was an irritated voice suggesting that we stop in case we really drenched a person for real. It turns out that we had almost hit someone visiting our neighbor. The fight continued where we were with us trying our best to keep our volume down so we won't be yelled at again. Unfortunately, another water bomb went sailing to the exact same spot where apparently on impact would alert the neighbor. Immediately, I ran out of sight so if there was a scolding, it wouldn't be for me. Everyone followed me except for one brave soul, Melissa. She was the one who had been seen and scolded from the first bomb and still she remained. The rest of us? Hiding 10 meters away in cowardice.

Although we didn't get scolded, the fight moved to the bathroom. It was fun but I was aware of this feeling that I had done something wrong the entire time. So when all of us were standing on towels dripping wet outside the bathroom waiting for our turn to shower, my conscience pricked me severely. I was disappointed and disgusted with myself for running away and leaving someone younger to take all the scolding and blame. I was angry that I had caused trouble for so many people (I noticed that my domestic help was not very happy with me either). A boulder seemed to have landed where my heart was.

So all of us went down to apologise to my neighbor for disturbing the peace. I was expecting a full-out scolding loaded with scorn, disdain and other unpleasant things but there was none. I stood yet again under grace. He looked at us with eyes that bore no malice and said it was ok. He even gave me a hug. I was reminded of how it was like to receive grace and what grace was. We apologised to my domestic help too and put the drenched bathroom back in order, wiping the floor and rearranging the little knick-knacks that all bathrooms have.

A leader stands up for what is right, regardless of what may happen to him. For me, it seems illogical and impossible to do that. You can't have that kind of self-sacrificial action without a strong belief system. It's not something that you tell yourself to do on a whim. This morning's verse was from Psalms 27.

{14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.} Ps 27: 14

That's trust right there. It's knowing that even if you do face something horrible because of something you do, trusting that He will deliver you when you are repentant and have mercy on you is what I take back for today.

Life is amazing, isn't it? Forgive me, Lord and mold me more. Perfect pottery I want to be.

Hungry,
Jo.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

THAT'S GOOD NEWS

The passage of Ephesians 2:1-22 speaks for itself. Reading this blog entry is a sorry substitute for the power and liberation that lies in the word of God. Seriously, if anybody is ever reading this, go link on the bible link above please. It is the good news out there. WOOT.

In Ephesians, Paul is writing to the well, Ephesians. Ephesus was a land where the Greek god Artemis was prevalent. It was also home to a large population of Jews. When some of the Jews hardened their hearts and started persecuting Christians around them, Paul started to spread the message to the Gentiles. (Courtesy of http://www.christianinconnect.com/ephesians.htm) I am of Gentile origin so when I read this, i was relieved and happy. (Hey, beggars cannot be proud, ok? And besides, pride's exactly what I have too much of anyway. But the beauty of it is that God didn't strike me off his fancy party list. He saw me (saw us!) for what I was and still accepted me.)

Perhaps some people have trouble with seeing themselves as inherently bad as Christianity always seems to suggest. I mean, I have that problem. Its the thought that "Am I THAT bad? I mean, I do charity and stuff and well, I just don't think I'm BAD. I don't murder and stuff. ", that causes a little bit of brain frownage for me. But this mindset comes because we are again looking into the telescope the wrong way. We are thinking with the mind of philosophers and theorists. To understand the ways and the heart of God, won't we have to look from His perspective? It's not that questioning God is not allowed. (In fact, questioning is an essential habit to knowing him better and an awesome indicator among many that you have a 2 way relationship.) It's understanding before you judge. And against such love, you can stand?

Paul has met God, and that's why I believe his words are written here and shown for all to see as a representation of the truth as told by a man who has seen through God's perspective and is relating it the best way a man can to man.

{For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.} - Paul to the Ephesians, Eph 2:9-10

That last part right there, "to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Woah.

Grace: Favor/Good will. When you have done wrong to a person and the person not only does not hold it against you for you callousness but goes to the point of extending help to you like you are his beloved. That's Grace. And that's what you and I received.

At this point, the commonly used phrase 'All glory be to God' is most appropriate, I think. THANK YOU, JESUS!

Hungry and satisfied and happy,
Jo.

{Meaning of the name 'Joanne': God is Gracious. }

Monday, November 22, 2010

Seeking the Lord with a quiet heart

I realised that in the past 2 days of seeking, I've been doing it very hurriedly and aggressively. Every time I open the Bible, my mindset has been: I HAVE to get something out of here. And if I don't try VERY VERY hard, I won't be able to get anything. So I'm going to try VERY VERY hard.

Haha and it turned out to be a very dry, seemingly methodological time. This is not to say that I didn't learn anything at all. I did. They were valuable lessons all with the central theme of trusting the Lord. It's just that I was being so preoccupied with doing my best that I (at times) completely forgot who I was doing my best for! It is like trying to find your mother's lost wedding ring for her which she dropped in the overgrown garden and being so preoccupied with your task, you are rude to her and end up inevitably in a yell-fest involving her apparent ungratefulness even at the sight of you crawling around on hands and knees for her ring. Which completely contradicts your original intention of putting her at ease by finding her ring, don't you think? It started out of love and compassion and ended up in disappointment.

Likewise in my quest for truth and knowing God more. I cannot be so preoccupied in reading words off a page that I completely ignore his presence. Every minute I am reading, my heart is anxious that I will not be able to get anything out of this. My mind is bombarded with worries that God doesn't want to speak to me or that it was going to be one of those days where you try and nothing jumps out at you from the bible. I wanted nothing less than an earth-shaking epiphany every time I read the bible. (Haha Jo, be careful what you wish for cuz you just might get it. Earth-shaking epiphanies usually involve earth-shaking application.) In short, my mind was everywhere but on the one I was seeking. Haha the irony!

So today, I will put aside all these thoughts of what God is thinking of me and what I think he is going to say to me. And actually, listen. Not talking in my mind and asking 'guiding questions' to fill in the silence. Simply listening and waiting with a quiet, expectant heart. Let him get his two cents in. Hahha... God, this is funny! I have to let your 2 cents in! Shouldn't it be the other way around? Such is the messy room that is my mind. You seem to have to maneuver around my mind-clutter.

Lord, I surrender my mind to you.

{Take me as you find me, all my fears and failures. Fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in. Now I surrender.}

{Everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing. Let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior. The hope of nations.} - Hillsong, Mighty to Save

I can't fabricate for you the way that you want to communicate with me, Lord. I struggle for words to describe what I am feeling and thinking now. I can't exactly capture my thoughts accurately. But I know the central thing of all this is: I need mercy. Have mercy on me, Lord father. I surrender under your Grace.

Hungry,
Jo.

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart, oh God, You will not despise." - King David in repentance after he has committed murder, Psalm 51 : 17.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

God is with me (Emmanuel)

Today (actually yesterday) I was excited to read the devotional because I had taken a sneak peek and seen "Growing in Maturity". Hahha, I was thinking that it was all quite awesome that the Lord knows my personal project so well :)

Today's verse was 2 Timothy 1:1-18. In it, Paul, an amazing guy who really knew God, writes to his beloved friend and disciple (Timothy) one last time before he was persecuted for his faith. His words were meant to encourage Timothy who was now leading the people of the church in Ephesus. It was a time of grief and fear for the Christians as they were being persecuted by the Roman Emperor Nero and 'friends' were deserting the imprisoned Paul right and left. Paul encouraged Timothy to be strong in the face of such persecution and to be be brave, even when the going looks tough.

In the devotional material that I use (Closer to God, publisher: Scripture Union), these words impacted me the most: " As Timothy reads of his mentor's suffering, his imprisonment and how his so-called friends have deserted him (v 15), the reality of what it would mean for him to continue to testify about Jesus must have struck fear into his heart. We can only imagine what Timothy thought as the growing realisation dawned on him that it was now up to him to seize the baton, grow in responsibility and 'fan into flame' (v 6) his gifting. "

Being a Christian suddenly became more than just crying out to God for help and warm fuzzy feelings in the church pews when you stood in God's love. There was the practical too. I think Timothy was in a position to see what being a Christian truly meant and entailed. (No, it doesn't mean all Christians have to die in a scourge. Well, if you are a in favor of genocide then, you'll be the exception, I guess.)

It spoke a lot for me who at this point only feels that God is with me only when I am feeling fuzzy feelings or have amazing revelations from God. God is with us even to the end. I cannot feel nice feelings under persecution, nor do I feel like I've hit major inspiration of some sort but in those times, God is with me. As Paul puts it: " Yet I am not ashamed [of the gospel], because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." (v 12)

He really really knows God! WOW. God can be trusted, his word is true. That's what I got from here. Haha. In application, don't be ashamed of the word of God. Preach it relentlessly, even in the face of danger and scorn. I can be said as stupid or narrow for believing the word. But I hope to echo the words of Paul in the face of this.
Til I reach full spiritual maturity and if that day beckons,

Hungry (at this point for physical and spiritual food),
Jo.

"Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come. 'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and it is Grace that'll lead me home...The Lord has promised good to me; His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures." - John Newton, Amazing Grace.

Song of my heart

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To step out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves. ...

Oh what I would do to have
the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone.

- "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns

This song is the question of my heart. If I want it so much, why don't I have it now? I'm waiting for it to grow, albeit very impatiently. Like the kid sister watching her older sister doing rows of algebra with ease and dreaming of the day that she too would be able to be as clever and apt at something that seems so far out of her reach. She continues to dream as she takes up her pencil and tries to add up 3 and 2.

I wait and prepare for the day that I'm spiritually mature!!

Glittering-eyes-kind-of hungry,
Jo.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

God is Gracious

Devotion today was Matthew 20: 1-16. Using the analogy of a vine-yard and the vine-yard owner's strange method of paying people, Jesus explains what the kingdom of God is really like. Here's how the story goes:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A vine-yard owner goes out early in the morning to look for people to work in his vineyard. He finds some and negotiates a price of one denarius for a day of work and sends the newly employed laborers off to his yard. Walking into the marketplace at about 9 am, he notices some people loitering around, doing nothing. He asks them to go work in his vineyard too and that he will give them the amount he thinks is befitting of them. He did the same thing at 11 am and again at 3 pm. At 5 pm (one hour to the end of a work day), he went out again and found even more loitering people, of whom he queried, "Why aren't you guys working?"
"Well, no one called us to do anything." They replied. The owner says, "Alright, you guys go work too."

So the work day drew to an end and the laborers gathered around the owner to get their pay.

To the guys that arrived at 5 pm, the owner gave 1 denarius. To those that came at 11 am and 3 pm, they got a denarius too. Seeing this, those who were hired at 6 am all thought that they would be getting more. After all, they had done the full day of work, all 12 hours. However, when it was their turn, the owner gave them 1 denarius as well.

Feeling cheated and undervalued, they complained to the owner, "Hey, look here buddy. The last guys you hired worked for an hour and you paid them the same wages as us! Have they done the same amount of work that we did? We were the ones in the scorching heat, you know? 12 hours! That's just unfair! You failed math in school or something?"

The owner looks up at one of them and replies in surprise, "If I didn't remember wrongly, I do believe we had a mutual agreement this morning that you would work a whole day for a denarius. So take what you have and run along. But I wish to give the other guys the same amount as you. I'm not breaking the law by doing what I want with what I own, you know. Or are you guys just being petty and bad-natured just because I'm being generous? So everyone shall receive an equal share."
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When I first read it, I thought, "Well, that's just unfair to the workers who came earlier God. They worked more and suffered so much more!" Then I realized that I was saying this from the early worker's perspective. If I put myself in the late comers shoes, I would be overwhelmed by the grace that was given to me. Wow, I'm getting more than I deserve! Such a generous dude! Oh my goodness, I'm getting the same amount of cash as the people who worked the whole day! Whoa, they look kinda pissed.

When I first read the passage, I was confusing God's character with his kingdom characteristics. I first read it taking Jesus to be the landowner. But something just didn't make sense. Haha, then I read the first verse again. It says: "For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner.." The Kingdom of Heaven is like the landowner, not Jesus like the landowner. There's a difference really. Looking at a room, because there are many bright colors and a well-used violin lies in a easy-to-access place we determine that its owner is probably cheerful and plays the violin quite well. But we don't look at the room and say that the person is colorful and has a violin in an easy-to-access place on his person. Nope nope. The room reflects the person. It is not the person himself.

The landowner (the kingdom of heaven) is not exclusive to who has done more work, who has the better heart or who has the best looks. It was open to all. Anybody from anywhere. Jews and Gentiles. The loved and the abandoned. It was based on a rule of non-exclusivity. You are in heaven as long as you went to work in the vineyard. This characteristic of heaven revealed to me that the Lord was a gracious, merciful God. That he is prone to giving second chances and being pro-active in a relationship. THAT'S AWESOME NEWS. A divine being, taking the initiative in a relationship?! WHOA.

*I came back and edited this post haha. As much as I want to hold God's hand, I hope that this blog presents a carefully thought over contemplation of God's word. Not a slipshod crash reading that may prove to be a stumbling block to others. I am learning that a relationship is a 2 way thing. God does his part, I do mine. One-sided love never works, you see? :)

Questions:

1) This is sounding a bit like Marxism to me. Everyone gets an equal share? Then how would you motivate the former workers? How to prevent feet-dragging?

Actually, this is Marxism at its best. Karl Marx wanted a classless and stateless utopia where there was no oppression (which he deduced came from the upper classes trying to maintain power over the majority of working class by exploiting them). When you think of it, it sounds wonderful. A world where there are no inequalities. But then, world reality bites you in the behind when you suddenly realize: If I'm going to get the same as everyone else, why should I go the extra mile or even work my share? I would be kind of stupid then.

So what makes us operate on this mentality that we must work for a reward? The alternative to working hard for a reward is working hard because you absolutely LOVE what you are doing, isn't it? You can't help working hard! And that's the caliber of a true servant of God. They can't help it. Yup :) THAT'S what I'm looking for.

Hungry,
Jo.

What's this blog about?

Hello blogworld. I'm Joanne :)

This blog was started because honestly, I didn't really have a concrete reason for why I was in church. I know that God exists because He talks to me and has done amazing things like bring my dead tooth back to life. But still something seems missing. I seem to lack a certain passion and fire for Christ. I want that hunger after God. In other words, I want to know God for who He is. The reason why people die for this belief and people press on like its their purpose in life. I'm tired of singing amazing stuff in church and not living it out. I peg my not-living-it-out syndrome to the lack of paradigm shift which means I truly don't know God well enough. I'm in search of that true repentance.

I'm aiming for mindset (heart) transformation. That's the most important function of this blog.

"And we, with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." - 2 Corinthians 3:18

Lord, this blog is yours and mine. I dedicate it to you. You came looking for me when I walked away from You. Now, I would like to go after you too. I want to know you more.

Hungry,
Jo.