Lessons in real life are much more scary than theory. And a lot more helpful for me I think. I learned that a real leader stands ready to face the music in any situation. Even if its staring death in the eye. And that sounds so pretty, heroic and do-able. Until we actually are in that position itself.
Today was a typical example. (Except that I wasn't staring death in the eye. Nor was I the established leader. Age-wise, however, I could be considered a leader.) My cousins meet up regularly and for 2 days we decided to hold a kind of Cousin Camp (affectionately dubbed the Cuzzy Camp). One of the activities during this camp was a water fight with water bombs. We decided due to general laziness and an unwillingness to lug more than 20 kilos of water in little plastic bags down to the field near our house, we would play in the corridor. I know I know. When I'm typing this I'm thinking the exact thing you are probably thinking right now (AKA what-a-waste-of-water, how-old-are-these-cousins, who-does-this-sort-of-things-nowadays, etc.)
So the fight ensued. I hurled a water bomb in the direction of my sister and it exploded with great aplomb on the stairs of the floor below us. Following the splash soon after was an irritated voice suggesting that we stop in case we really drenched a person for real. It turns out that we had almost hit someone visiting our neighbor. The fight continued where we were with us trying our best to keep our volume down so we won't be yelled at again. Unfortunately, another water bomb went sailing to the exact same spot where apparently on impact would alert the neighbor. Immediately, I ran out of sight so if there was a scolding, it wouldn't be for me. Everyone followed me except for one brave soul, Melissa. She was the one who had been seen and scolded from the first bomb and still she remained. The rest of us? Hiding 10 meters away in cowardice.
Although we didn't get scolded, the fight moved to the bathroom. It was fun but I was aware of this feeling that I had done something wrong the entire time. So when all of us were standing on towels dripping wet outside the bathroom waiting for our turn to shower, my conscience pricked me severely. I was disappointed and disgusted with myself for running away and leaving someone younger to take all the scolding and blame. I was angry that I had caused trouble for so many people (I noticed that my domestic help was not very happy with me either). A boulder seemed to have landed where my heart was.
So all of us went down to apologise to my neighbor for disturbing the peace. I was expecting a full-out scolding loaded with scorn, disdain and other unpleasant things but there was none. I stood yet again under grace. He looked at us with eyes that bore no malice and said it was ok. He even gave me a hug. I was reminded of how it was like to receive grace and what grace was. We apologised to my domestic help too and put the drenched bathroom back in order, wiping the floor and rearranging the little knick-knacks that all bathrooms have.
A leader stands up for what is right, regardless of what may happen to him. For me, it seems illogical and impossible to do that. You can't have that kind of self-sacrificial action without a strong belief system. It's not something that you tell yourself to do on a whim. This morning's verse was from Psalms 27.
{14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.} Ps 27: 14
That's trust right there. It's knowing that even if you do face something horrible because of something you do, trusting that He will deliver you when you are repentant and have mercy on you is what I take back for today.
Life is amazing, isn't it? Forgive me, Lord and mold me more. Perfect pottery I want to be.
Hungry,
Jo.
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