It's been some time indeed.

Haha, I have been reading my previous posts. All 9 of them. And all of them reveal an insecure, growing teenager hahaha. I winced in so many places! And I apparently write really badly ah.

Now, things are a lot different :) While my writing is still awkward and dependent on CAPS to get a point across, I am still growing. That good la. Good enough :) And I have learnt many many things while this blog languished in CyberSpace. Many things that I hope to share with whoever wants to know.

I have come to an acceptance of the logical conclusion that this blog will never reach the heights of fame that some other blogs have reached. But I am OK with that. :) Really. If this blog is ever read, well, I think maybe God had a plan for you, dear reader. And that plan could be anything! :) It could be so fantastic your heart beats with wonder and fear just thinking of it. Or maybe it is a call to eat a cheeseburger to fill your stomach and craving. Yes, the Lord is interested in the little and big things of your life. Not just so that He has another minion to control on the chessboard of life. I believe and have experienced that more than anything, He just wants to be with you. To share life with you whom He created for a purpose and a beautiful intent that only you, unique you, can fulfill. I could go on and on about this but nah, I shan't :D You can leave a message for me if you want and we can chat. Not just about Christiany stuff but like how's the weather, where do dogs go where they die or even debate the best type of teas to drink on a rainy day. I could do that. I think I like that more really haha :) Not because the topics are "un-Christian" per se but more so because we can't avoid Christ anyway! He is everywhere and the king of the world. He does whatever He wants.

I bet a good many questions have come to your mind reading this. I am not surprised. Many have come to mine by just putting my thoughts in writing. Drop me a message at joanne_teo90@hotmail.com if you would like someone to thresh out your thoughts with! :) Or if you just want somewhere to be yourself.

Ok this has been a long post. Will come back another time :)

Failures Anonymous (Our Daily Bread, 25 March 2011, John 21:3-17)

It’s my duty to grill the burgers, brats, steaks, or whatever else my wife has on the menu. And while I’m not the greatest chef when it comes to outdoor cooking, I love the unforgettable aroma of grilling over a charcoal fire. So the mention of a “fire of coals” in John 21:9 catches my attention. And I find myself wondering why John would include this detail in the story about Jesus calling a failing Peter back to serve and follow Him.

In verses 1-3, it’s apparent that Peter had reopened his fishing business. Just a few days before, Peter was warming his hands over a charcoal fire when he denied Jesus to save his own skin (John 18:17-18 ESV). So why not go back to fishing?

While Peter and his cohorts were casting nets, Jesus built a fire on the beach. Coincidence? I doubt it! And as Peter approached Jesus, I wonder if the pungent aroma of the burning charcoal brought back memories of that other fire where he had failed Christ. Yet Jesus in His mercy took the initiative to call Peter back into His service.

Think of it: Jesus is willing to forgive our failures and call us into His service. After all, if only perfect people qualified to serve Him, He wouldn’t have anyone to choose from!

Although we are imperfect,
The Lord can use us still,
If we confess our sins to Him
And seek to do His will. —Sper

Being imperfect doesn’t disqualify us from serving God;
it just emphasizes our dependence on His mercy.

You really free?

The Lord led me to see that I really was free in a specific aspect of my life. Aspect = To be me and to LIVE.

All along, whenever I thought of God, I would feel guilty. I was always plagued with the thought that I was not doing enough or I was not good enough. I was plagued by my copious failures and my insult to the grace God had given me by wasting my time on other things. Not reading my bible every second of the day... and the list goes on.

But the Lord showed me that getting close to Him and knowing Him more was not a one-sided affair ridden with guilt and remorse. (What kind of freedom was that, right??) I felt like this week he went on a love-Joanne week rampage. I got lovely messages from people I never expected to hear from that told me that God sent them messages of peace that He meant for me. Out of the blue. I remember thinking to myself that God was sweet. Then He spoke to me during devotion, addressing so strongly the emotional and struggles that lay heavy on my heart that I could not help but respond with a few tears hastily wiped away when all heads were bowed and all eyes closed in prayer. Then He visited me in my room while I sat reading an encouraging response from a church leader and I burst out in inexplicable tears. (It was so bizarre. There was no emotion that I felt before that and suddenly, I was in tears. Really bizarre. Like I couldn't control myself. Woah. But I needed it. For some reason, my heart heaved and great relief came from tears like that.) He showered me with love that I couldn't explain. The gestures were so sweet and personal. They could make me blush. Cute, sweet gestures that romantics would squeal over.

Then suddenly, I felt free. It was not a one-sided thing all the time. He was responding to me too! He gave me stuff. He likes me! And so I thought: I don't have to have some deep spiritual reason for giving You something, I can give it simply because I want to. I want to shower you will random, silly acts of love. The way I love you is not controlled and compartmentalized by laws from you about how to love. I am free to love you freely! What a feeling! It meant I could run, and jump and kneel when I want without worrying whether it was appropriate before God. I was free from "tell me what I should do, Lord. I only want to hear from you." While that is true, then wouldn't it be a one-sided thing where God tells you what He wants to hear and see? Where's the freedom in that? You have the freedom to worship and praise and shower Him silly with love with all you've got and all the creativity you have! No fixed way that God decrees you have to praise Him. When it comes from a sincere heart wanting badly to please the Lord, you've got it.

Today in service, I basked in this type of freedom. I am blessed, I can sing as loud as I want within the walls of the an air-conditioned place surrounded with like-minded people. Then I suddenly had this picture of me kneeling outside the court of the Lord. The doors were closed. And I wondered, what was the difference between worshipping within the courts of the Lord and worshipping outside the courts, outside the doors. What will it mean to be let in to worship and give reverence to the king of the court? What would it mean for me? I think the answer is not far away but coming soon. And my heart beats in slight fear and excited anticipation, like a spectator waiting for racing cars to round the bend, knowing that they'll be there any second. A father waiting for the birth of his first child.

Thank you, Lord. You made me free to worship You! I can do it the way I want and praise You! It's kinda awesome You know. That You look at the heart and not the actions. :) Thank you.

The joy of being a failure: an un-emo note with an emo title

God has been very understanding and a real friend to me.. I love Him for that.

I've had a copious failures as a leader in church and as a person in life and started to feel sian of church and churchy stuff. I seemed to be caught in an endless cycle of falling and getting up again. Dusting myself off and trying again only to fall down. And all around I perceived perfect people with no trouble at all. I felt inferior. Stupid. Unworthy of leadership. Yesterday, I even refused to read the bible. Oh yea, I got the blues pretty bad.

But today at family devotion, I was asked to read from the devotional material that we used weekly. The title was "Failures Anonymous". Through that, God told me it was ok to be a failure. To dust myself off and walk forward in the second chances He gives. At that point of time, I was fighting off tears. God understood and He did not mind that I was a failure. He loved me for who I am. He spoke to me through His word. He's my friend who understood and comforted me. So as my cousin closed the session in prayer, I took advantage of the fact that all eyes were closed to wipe away tears of relief and gratitude.

I wanted to get it out and read as soon as I can because I didn't want to forget His goodness. I also didn't want to hide my thankfulness. There is joy in being a failure. Failures rejoice!!

2011

hahaha I typed a super long entry and deleted accidentally. OH WELL. Happy new year :D

A personal question

"God, do you love me? Do you like me?"

Dare you ask this question? Ask it and take the answer personally. And if you even dare to, ask why too.

Blessings,

Jo.

What I want to live out.

Our Daily Bread

Saturday,
December 4, 2010

Inspiration To Perspiration

Read: Titus 3:1-8

Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only. —James 1:22

My grandfathers were both gardeners and so are many of my friends. I love visiting beautiful gardens—they inspire me. They make me want to create something equally beautiful in my own yard. But I have trouble moving from the inspiration to the perspiration part of gardening. My great ideas don’t become reality because I don’t spend the time and energy to make them happen.

This can be true in our spiritual lives as well. We can listen to the testimonies of other people and marvel at the work God is doing in their lives. We can hear uplifting music and great preaching and feel inspired to follow God more diligently. But soon after we walk out of church, we have trouble finding the time or making the effort to follow through.

James described such Christians as being like those who look in a mirror, see themselves, but do nothing to fix what is wrong (James 1:23-24). They hear the Word, but it doesn’t lead to action. James says we need to do—not just hear.

When we move from the inspiration of simply “hearing” about the good being done by others to the perspiration of actually “doing” good works ourselves, the implanted Word of God (1:21) will bloom into a beautiful garden of spiritual fruit. — Julie Ackerman Link

I’d rather see a Christian Than to hear one merely talk; I’d rather see his actions And behold his daily walk. —Herrell

Life works best when we do.

Bible in a year: Ezekiel 47-48; 1 John 3

{Credit for devotional material: http://mobi.rbc.org/odb/2010-12-04.html . Thank you, people at Our Daily Bread for posting it online for all. Its such a blessing. }